The beach was remarkably beautiful and there was hardly a soul on the sand when we arrived. My son and six of his teenage friends rode in my vehicle to the somewhat secluded beach off Balboa Island, called “The Wedge”. This place is a favorite of young men, because the waves are insane. Like a scene from the movie Cast Away, the waves literally shoot straight up into the sky just before breaking on the beach—. It is not a place to take toddlers, as they would be carried off to sea with the likes of Wilson. But, the teenage boys love the thrill of fighting the ocean.
The day was relaxing and I was reminded of the goodness of God. At one point I looked up from my book and noticed that more people were arriving. One of the groups that arrived, and became our beach neighbors, was made up of about 8 or 9 grade school age boys with 4 moms in their mid-thirties. I looked at them and began to get sentimental for the days long ago, the days when my teenage son was much younger. I snapped a couple pictures of the boys as they played in the waves, and I pretended for a moment that my camera was a time machine—capturing past youth for a moment and then jumping ahead to the boys as teens.
After the noon time hours, I decided to walk the mile down the shore to the pier. It took me just under 30 minutes to walk down to the crowded end of the beach, but the more young kids I saw, the more I reminisced to the times when my children would run from the water and scream with delight. I made my way through the crowds, then turned and headed back to The Wedge.
As I approached our little space on the wide shoreline, I noticed that my 7 men were being scolded by a Lifeguard. He was in his mid-forties and I knew he was a Lifeguard, only because the truck he was driving had his job title painted on the side. As I got closer, he walked away from my boys and headed toward the neighboring group of thirty something-year-old women. I made eye contact with one of the boys, and mouthed, “What did you do?” They flashed me smiles, and said, “We were being too loud”.
I walked up to the boys, to claim them as mine, and waited for the man to walk over and shed some light on the situation. {which he never did, even when he made eye contact with me} While waiting, I heard him say to the women
“It’s sad, but sometimes we are going to get kids like that on our beach.”
Wow. Kids like that. On our beach
All my sentimentality was washed away and replaced with a new surge of pride. Not pride in who they were as they had navigated waters as children, but pride in who they are as they face the waves of approaching adulthood.
Apparently, this man had decided to take his break and drive down the beach where there were less people and all was quiet and serene, to make a call on his cell phone.This man was so angry that these boys were playfully calling into the sea “Ariel” and “Yo, Adrian” while he was on his phone. My boys had interrupted that peaceful time that he was expecting. They had been loud and obnoxious. On his beach.
I told the boys that it was time to clean up and leave, and when I turned to gather my things, I felt eyes piercing into me. Like Harry Potter, I winced as I felt a scar on my head bringing me to my knees. I looked up to see what it was that I felt hitting me, and there across the sand sat my beach neighbors. The 4 mothers were staring me down. Through their sunglasses they judged me with my hoodlum boys. One Mom rubbed sunscreen on her son and but paid no attention to her hands and where they rubbed, as she was more interested in watching “kids like that” and me, the woman who had brought them.
The part of me that I strive to tame wanted to rise to the defense of the boys, to protect them from the young moms. Then I realized, it wasn’t the teen boys that needed protecting. It was the women. These women don’t realize that in just a few minutes time, what will feel like a day or two, their sweet little boys will be teenagers. Teenagers who will be judged by what others see on the surface and in an instant..
The ironic thing is that these loud teenage boys are good young men, who love the Lord and love one and other. They attend different schools and
the thing that draws them together, their common bond–is the bond of brotherhood that they have in Christ. No, they are not perfect, but they are not “kids like that”.
And actually, is there really such a thing as a “Kid Like That” in this whole world? I guess it depends on your world. I have known a lot of teenagers, and I have even been on the victim side of teen-vandalism and still, in my world, I do not know any “kids like that”. I knew of teenagers who were learning that life was not going to play out the way that they had been told it would. Young people who had to begin to make choices when they faced these disappointments. Some of their choices were ugly and hard for their families. Some ran away, trying to escape the harshness of what they felt. Some of them lashed out at the ones who loved them, or the ones who placed any rule over them at all.
But, now I see many of them, these “kids like that” who fought the ocean waves beating them down and have made it through to the other side. They sit in lifeboats now, some with binoculars watching for the teens like themselves who have swam too far away from the shore. They live with the consequences of their actions, as we all do. The ones that I know, or know of, are amazing and grace-filled individuals. The kind of people that I am proud to know
I think I learned something for myself as well. I wanted to judge the women, for judging me. But, then wouldn’t I be a bit of a hypocrite? I mean, I could say that there are “Moms like that” who judge the behavior of another persons child, but then, I wonder. Is there really such thing as a “Mom like that”?
7 comments
Tracy
August 10, 2011 at 5:15 pm (UTC -7)
Hi jackie – what a lovely post about judgement! I have similar feelings when people look at my vehicle, which is always full of mud because of where I live, even though it gets washed once a week! I keep telling my husband I’m going to get a sticker that says “My car is a reflection of WHERE I live not HOW I live!” I’ve had the odd woman look me up and down after looking at my car! But to judge them for judging me – like you say I’d be a hypocrite!
Great post and joining with you on your blog hop
God bless
Tracy
Ginny Hartzler
August 10, 2011 at 6:57 pm (UTC -7)
What a powerful story, you kept me engrossed to the end! And a good lesson for us all. And by the way, the beach is where you GO to do your hollering and playing!! It is so hard not to judge,we all do it many times a day, sizing up everyone we see.
Shanda Oakley
August 10, 2011 at 11:17 pm (UTC -7)
It is amazing how protective we get of our children and also how judgmental we get BEFORE our kids get that age. And, isn’t it usually the little kids that are so noisy? Yet if we said something to those mothers…… Sorry this kind of thing ruined your day but glad it brought this post to mind. It is a good reminder of what happens when our kids face the waves and end up in ‘lifeboats’ later.
Shanda Oakley recently posted..Resting On Gods Promises
Pam Booher
August 11, 2011 at 3:56 am (UTC -7)
WOW! I remember those days too Jackie… the ones when they were little AND the ones when they were teens… SOOOOO TRUE!!! I had “kids like that” – and I was PROUD to have them! HAHA!!
Pam Booher recently posted..Insanity!! And some more honesty…
Nicole
August 11, 2011 at 5:10 am (UTC -7)
I have four children ages two through nine but I remember when my oldest was my only and just a baby. Even toddlers seemed huge and out of control in comparison. But then my teeny infant became a huge toddler and now a huge (hopefully not out of control) nine year old. This is a good reminder of how easy it is to judge others on areas of life which we have not yet lived.
By the way, my husband grew up in southern CA and one of his favorite places was the Wedge. I’m sure he and his friends were much louder than your son and his friends.
Nicole recently posted..Imperfect
Beth Zimmerman
August 11, 2011 at 2:54 pm (UTC -7)
I wrote a post but there’s no linky.
http://www.bethsfaithwalk.com/2011/08/11/adoption/
Beth Zimmerman recently posted..Top 10 Thursday – Charitable Donations
Beth Zimmerman
August 11, 2011 at 3:40 pm (UTC -7)
I know those looks of which you speak. Unfortunately there are churches in which they run rampant! Whole load of reasons why I shouldn’t judge them but periodically something happens that makes the wound bleed again and I am reminded. Okay … that is just gloomy!
I’m glad you had a lovely day up until the unfortunate conclusion! And I love the analogy to lifeboats!
Beth Zimmerman recently posted..Top 10 Thursday – Charitable Donations