Many years ago, when the death of my daughter Molly was still fresh, I approached Mother’s Day with a sense of dread. I was navigating through some heavy depression, and in my emotional state, the day was merely a reminder of the way I had failed. The lies I believed had me convinced I had failed my daughter, and my failure had led to her death: “You didn’t get her to the hospital in time for her life to be saved. If you were a better Mother, Molly would still be alive.” The last thing I wanted to do was to be celebrated for my role as a Mother. Anything else, but not as a Mother.
It took a lot of prayer and scripture meditation to silence the lies I was hearing, but living in that place for a while taught me a valuable lesson. Not every person approaches Mother’s Day with the same sentiment. There are women among us who dread the day. For women who are unable to conceive a child, Motherhood is an elusive dream. And, while Mother’s Day only comes once a year, a whole day dedicated to the one role they have yet to fulfill can make them feel as if the entire world is mocking them.
Then there are the Mothers who lost the dream after it was conceived. Little lives lost before they have yet to take their first breath. The pregnancy test confirms the beginning of life, and the dream grows in the heart and mind of the Mother. But, for reasons she may never know, the life is cut short. When it is confirmed that the baby’s heart is no longer beating, the Mother often feels as if her own heart has stopped as well.
The thing for each of us to remember is to be sensitive. While Mother’s Day is a celebration for most, for some it is not. The other thing to remember is God’s sovereign plans. While some may feel the day draws attention to their failures or disappointments in a desired role, becoming a parent is not our primary purpose.
I was not created to be Molly’s mother. I was not called to righteousness to raise her to adulthood. I was created and called to Salvation for the Glory of God, and He determines the roles I will live. When I allow the enemy to flood my mind with “what ifs” I become ineffective for His Kingdom. I miss out on the incredible plans He has for me because my mind is set on the plans I had for myself. When I become consumed with anything, be it my failures or my accomplishments, those thoughts distract me from fulfilling God’s plan for my life.
18 comments
Karen B.
May 12, 2012 at 8:14 am (UTC -7)
Beautifully written and a great reminder that while those of us who are blessed should enjoy this wonderful day, many cannot share the same joy when this day arrives. I especially liked “When I allow the enemy to flood my mind with “what ifs” I become ineffective for His Kingdom. I miss out on the incredible plans He has for me because my mind is set on the plans I had for myself.” So true for all of us!
Molly is simply precious. Happy Mother’s Day!
Karen B. recently posted..A Changed Heart
Jacquelyn Sill
May 12, 2012 at 11:37 am (UTC -7)
Karen, thank you for your kind words. We who are blessed do need to enjoy this day. The time we have with our children is one of the most beautiful blessings we enjoy. Thank you for reading, and thank you for taking time to leave me a note of encouragement.
Jacquelyn Sill recently posted..What the Death of My Child Taught me about Mother’s Day
Denise Coy
May 12, 2012 at 8:53 am (UTC -7)
Very well written Jackie. As usual, it was beautiful. I struggled with infertility for a while and those Mother’s Days during that time were brutal. You have done an excellent job of reminding all of us to be sensitive to others on that day, because it is so true that not everyone feels joyful and “celebrated” on Mother’s Day.
Jacquelyn Sill
May 12, 2012 at 11:39 am (UTC -7)
Denise, knowing you as a young girl, it breaks my heart to imagine that you went through a time like that. I am so thankful that you were raised in a loving Christian home so you could get through that time without blaming God. I can only imagine it was hard to watch your siblings being blessed, though. I am so thankful that your time to become a Mommy finally arrived.
Jacquelyn Sill recently posted..What the Death of My Child Taught me about Mother’s Day
Sylvia R
May 12, 2012 at 11:52 am (UTC -7)
Oh, Jackie, tears and groans for you — and others, as I read this. THIS is what I think of every Mother’s Day. I really don’t LIKE it, to be honest. It seems to me it must cause pain for so many people. And all those people celebrating it with the big grins must just make them feel very alone.
I know women with other reasons for dreading it: a prodigal child, the recent death of their own mother, family rifts, memories of their biological mother utterly rejecting them as a tiny child, an abusive mother, and on and on. I also don’t like how it so often steals the focus from THE LORD on HIS own DAY, right when these hurting ladies especially need that God focus.
I’m so glad you wrote this.
Sylvia R recently posted..Tears in a Bottle
Jacquelyn Sill
May 12, 2012 at 12:02 pm (UTC -7)
You are so right. There are so many scenarios that make the day difficult for people. I guess the best we can do is to be sensitive to the women (and men) we encounter. We never know how something we say could penetrate the heart of another. For bad, but also for good. Thank you for reading and thank you for commenting!
Jacquelyn Sill recently posted..What the Death of My Child Taught me about Mother’s Day
Renee
May 12, 2012 at 2:07 pm (UTC -7)
When I look at the picture of that sweet face it brings me back to that time in our lives when we were younger and you were going through the grief of losing Molly. I now know that there was nothing that any of us could do to make it better even though we tried. I am glad you walked throughthat difficult journey instead of hiding from it. I think you are a stronger person today for it. I was remembering the other day when Dan and David went to Mexico in our trailer to deal with death and other things in their young lives…seems like a lifetime ago.
I am one who has never really liked Mother’s Day…thanks for bringing that to the surface on this Mother’s Day weekend. Love to you!
Jacquelyn Sill
May 13, 2012 at 8:14 am (UTC -7)
Renee, I love you and Dan so much. I say that in the present tense, because although Dan’s body is not here with us, he is still so alive. He is in Jeremy and Mandy, for certain. And, now in Mia and Daniel. David and I talk about him often. I honestly do not think that David will ever have another friend like Dan. I doubt we will ever share a friendship with another couple like we shared with you two. Love you, my friend.
Jacquelyn Sill recently posted..What the Death of My Child Taught me about Mother’s Day
Shanda
May 12, 2012 at 9:36 pm (UTC -7)
Thank you for the reminder to be sensitive at this time of year. Many of us don’t know the heartache that those who have never had or who have lost go through.
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Jacquelyn Sill
May 13, 2012 at 8:16 am (UTC -7)
Thank you, Shanda. Mother’s Day hasn’t been my favorite day for many years. Although, it’s growing on me. I can never see my own Mother and I don’t want it to be about me.
Jacquelyn Sill recently posted..What the Death of My Child Taught me about Mother’s Day
Lynn
May 13, 2012 at 5:46 pm (UTC -7)
As I read and reread this piece of your heart, I am again overcome with thankfulness for you and your God-given ability to put into words what many of us need and long to hear. Being aware of sensitive to ALL of the women around us, and loving them through their trials…not hearing the lies that the evil one wants us to believe…striving and reaching for HIS truth, because we know that it is really only HIS Truth that can and will, set us free. This can’t be easy for you and as write this to you through my own tears for your loss…I thank you, again Jackie. You really have a gift and I love to see it shining through to oh-so-many!!! Your daughter Molly is beautiful! Praying for you on this day….
Jacquelyn Sill
May 13, 2012 at 7:18 pm (UTC -7)
Lynn, thank you so much for your encouragement. I have only known you for such a short time, and you have been such a blessing to me. I can honestly tell you, that for reasons I don’t understand, sharing my thoughts by writing them out actually makes my life easier. Thank you for saying Molly is beautiful. I wish I could see her today as an 18-year-old young woman. I guess that’s what Heaven is for. Love you, Lynn.
Jacquelyn Sill recently posted..What the Death of My Child Taught me about Mother’s Day
Giovanni Layton
May 15, 2012 at 4:17 am (UTC -7)
I am very sorry for molly. She was the cute lovely girl and your heart. I think now she is living in Heaven with the full happiness. So, don’t be sad and go ahead in your life. I hope you will be a strong women and a winner in life.
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Anna Maria
May 16, 2012 at 2:34 am (UTC -7)
Wow, this is a beautifully and awesomely written post. It just reminds me that we should celebrate everyone on this great day, because that is where the beauty of this day lies. Thanks a lot for sharing.
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Pershy
May 21, 2012 at 7:36 pm (UTC -7)
It just reminds me that we should celebrate everyone on this great day, because that is where the beauty of this day lies. Thanks that you’ve shared.
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DynnaLou
May 30, 2012 at 9:19 pm (UTC -7)
Wow this is definitely so true.. Sometimes, the kids would even teach us some things that we aren’t aware of.. That’s how they really are..
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Claire
June 1, 2012 at 1:44 pm (UTC -7)
Great blog. It just reminds me that we should celebrate everyone on this great day, because that is where the beauty of this day lies. Thanks for sharing.
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